MY LIFE: Shouldn’t I be writing?

I ask myself this question at least once daily. All too often, the answer is “I don’t have the mental energy to write.” For someone who once wrote over a million words in a year, this feeling cuts deep. It’s hard not to feel useless when you have a chronic illness. My body betrays me daily.

But I still have responsibilities. And I want to do things, and to get better. I realize my chronic illness is not one that will ever go away.

On many occasions, my mind wants to write, but my body doesn’t. Or my body wants to write, but my brain isn’t cooperating. Chronic illnesses can be like that. You never know when or if you’re going to feel good that day, or even something as simple as how high your energy level remains.

Should I push myself more? Not according to my myriad healthcare providers. The answer – at least for now – is that I need to take it easy and to realize I won’t always get to do what I want to do.

This is me, far too often for my liking. Even if I want to write, many times I can’t. But I’m trying, and that’s the best I can do.